Embrace the Disability

I have met so many people who have told me they wish they would have just died. I'm talking about those who either become disabled due to an accident or illness sometime later in life. Most individuals born with a disability are able to adapt so much easier, and are able to embrace their disability as an integral part of them at an early age. This doesn't mean they don't have struggles, or have days when they may say, "I wish I could do that", but overall, many children born with disabilities are much more accepting of themselves at an earlier age.

Now, we adults and older children, we are a different story. I will admit, I had my days when I thought, "It would be better if I wasn't here". The thought of not having to go through the daily pain, the stares, the negativity and the loss was appealing. The loss.... It is so difficult to go through the loss. The loss of what once was. The loss of who you once were. The loss of what you thought you would become. The broken dreams, the heartache, the reality that there are going to be things that I may never do again. These are all feelings that can lead someone to the level of despair that would make them say "It would have been better if I had died".

I'm here to tell you that you are wrong!

No matter what your situation is, it has a purpose. You have a purpose. You may be new to this disabled community, and that is okay. We don't judge. We will embrace you and show you the ropes if you just let down your guard, break down those walls, and let us in. I know how hard it is because I was there. I put up those walls and I didn't want anyone to know what I was going through. I wanted to pretend it was all okay. I didn't want to accept it. I felt like a friend of mine does right now who always says, "If I learn how to do that, then I am giving in to this chair". You aren't giving in by embracing the wheelchair, the walker, the cane, the braces, the seeing eye dog, the hearing aids, the prosthetic, the depends, the catheters, the shunts, the implants, the sign language, and on and on. It isn't giving in, or giving up. Learning to use the tools around you to live an active, healthy life is just part of the process of learning to love yourself again. You must learn to love you, and that means every part of you. You can't be embarrassed about who you are and what your needs are. The people who truly love you don't care about the chair, the catheters, the dogs, the hearing aids, the braces, the depends, etc. They don't care, and you shouldn't either. It took me a LONG time to learn that. After I learned to embrace it I realized that I was the only one holding me back because everyone else had already accepted me.

At some point we all need to learn to let go of what we once were, and learn to love who we are now. Embrace all that we are because what we can be is amazing. I have met so many amazing people because of my disability. My disability has opened the door to an entire world that didn't exist for me before. It has made me a better person. I can relate to my relative who I loved dearly who went through similar struggles and did amazing things. I can better understand how he felt on some level, and maybe carry on his legacy of helping others. I have been able to reach out to children who are struggling just as I did, and I have seen them conquer their struggle while learning to embrace their disability.

I have met so many people who have been injured, or have a debilitating disease that began later in life, who have told me if they had a choice to go back to who they were before they wouldn't. They have embraced their new identity, and they have learned that there was a reason for it. They have seen the good things that have come from their experiences, and they don't want to change it. It took some of them years to come to that realization, and some of them went through very dark times before they got there. Unfortunately, being in that place of despair can lead to so many dangerous things such as alcoholism, substance abuse, risky behaviors, depression, and suicide. We need to come together as a community and help each other through that difficult time so the transition isn't so difficult for the next person. These individuals who have learned to embrace their disability are necessarily happy with every aspect of their disability. Everyone has daily struggles that they must overcome regularly when living with a disability, and I am not discounting that. But, those daily struggles make us stronger, and over time you will begin to see the good things that will come from your situation.

I don't know what my future holds. It is scary to think about what my disease could do to me. I don't know how it will progress, but I do know that no matter what, I will embrace it and know there is a reason to live. Each and every one of us has to learn to let go of the person we thought we were going to become, and make a new future for ourselves. It doesn't mean that it is an inferior future to the one for which we were previously on track, it is just a different one. One day, you may just come to realize that your new future is the one that was meant for you all along.

Who Am I? Who Are You? Where Do We Belong?

Hello everyone! My name is Marie, and my question to you is “Who are You?” That was my question to me for so many years. Do you ever question who you are? Where you belong? Will you ever belong? These days it is so easy to get caught up in trying to fit in that we lose ourselves. We lose sight of who we are. When we are different, when we don’t quite fit in, when we are the square peg trying to shove ourselves into that round hole in front of us, it is PAINFUL! The rejection, the loneliness, the longing to be “in”, to be…. “normal”. I’m here to say there is HOPE! You Are Not Alone!

Bullying, Cliques, Harassment, Loneliness, Self-Doubt, Depression,Abuse…. SUICIDE.

These things are real and they are painful, and occur far too often. People say, “It gets better”. We’ve all heard of the “It gets better” movement, and that is great. But sometimes I wonder if we all really believe it. I know there were times when I have thought it will never get better. I still have those moments of weakness. Growing up my family moved so many times due to my father’s work that I had to go to multiple different schools. Dropping everything, leaving all your friends behind and starting over year after year can be hard. Finally, after settling down in a one place long enough to go to the same school for my ENTIRE high school career I thought I had it all! I was making friends, a Track and Cross Country star, running with the Varsity Team as a Freshman! I had it all. Finally, my life was right. Until…. my body stops working right. I can’t explain it, but something is wrong. “But you don’t look sick”, “You’re too young to be feeling that way”, “It’s all in your head”. These are all of the things I heard. From doctors, from family, from friends, from everyone- for years! I thought I was going crazy! Finally, at the age of 32, after 18 years of searching I finally found an answer. Mitochondrial Disease. It doesn’t solve my problem, but at least I know I’m not crazy. Now I know what I can do about it.

For so long I felt like I didn’t belong. I couldn’t keep up with the “Able-bodied” world, but I never quite fit in or was accepted into the “Disabled” world. It really bothered me, and I worried all the time what people would think. It impacted my personal life, my work, my relationships, EVERYTHING. Now that my disability is getting worse, I am learning to let go, and finally, after 33 years on this Earth I have begun to understand who I am. With the support of others we can all get back up. No matter what your personal struggle may be, we all need support. Follow me and we can support each other because ultimately whether you are white, black, male, female, gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, transgender, asexual, physically disabled, mentally disabled, emotionally disabled, able bodied, living with an invisible disability, or just lost and searching for a friend, we ALL need support and love, and that is why I am here!